Title: Love Letters: Big Bang|
Fandom: X-Men (movie)
Summary: Logan finally explains some things.
Series: Love Letters - http://www.diebin.com/xmen/loveletters.html
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Archive: All lists
Well, I found myself back in the place where it all started. And being here I guess kinda made me think that maybe it was about time I say some things that are long overdue. I mean, I've been running around like my tail's on fire for almost a year . . . and I sat down today and tried to figure out what my excuse was.
I know you're probably not going to like hearing it, because I know that no girls really like to hear this, but it's true. I didn't want to hurt you. I know a lot of people use that as an excuse to be a coward--but it was true, Marie. I didn't want to hurt you, but I did want to do things that were going to hurt you.
I had to leave, Marie. I had to leave. I needed time to think, to get used to it, because my head wasn't very clear and although we would have tried, how long do you think it would have been before I was frustrated or distracted or just wasn't thinking, and slipped and kissed you? God, I know I can heal--it was so tempting. It was so tempting to stay and just touch you, little touches that wouldn't have hurt me in the beginning . . .
It would have happened, and the touches would have gotten longer, and before we knew what was going on I would have been in your head again, or you in mine . . . or what I wanted most--I wanted your mind all linked with mine again. Because then I could have touched you, and everything else be damned.
I would have died, Marie. So maybe I left so I wouldn't hurt me too.
I know it's just going to piss you off more to hear it, but I had to say it. Because--because I'm getting tired of running, and I miss you, and I want to try. I want to try to be what you need me to be. I'll mess up some, but god Marie, just let me try. I understand you're probably going to need some time to think, so I'll just leave you alone for a month or so, just give you a chance to think it over. And just--try to understand, Marie. Try to understand how much I love you.
And I promise. I promise--if we can work it out, I promise I won't ever run away from you again. I can't promise I won't leave once in a while, because sometimes I just need to. But I'll never run away.
Do you understand what I'm offering you, Marie? I'll never run away again.
I'm sorry I didn't manage to buy you anything this time, but I've spent the past week trying to decide if I should write this or not. But I need you, Marie, and I'll do anything you need me to if we can make it work, somehow.
So--just think about it. And we'll talk sometime.
Miss ya darling.
Kitty was more than a little surprised to find Jubilee huddled in the hallway, her headphones on and her entire CD collection stacked next to her.
The girl didn't seem to notice her, but when Kitty reached for their doorhandle, Jubilee's hand shot out and grabbed her leg. "I wouldn't."
"Oh jeez." Leaning down and lifting one ear of Jubilee's headphones up, Kitty let out a sigh. "Let me guess. Package day?"
Jubilee winced and Kitty jumped as something crashed into the door, followed by a string of curses that sounded like they were in german. "Package day," Jubilee confirmed, putting an arm on her CD's protectively. "Minus the package."
"I hope you don't have any breakables," Jubilee said cheerfully. "Cuz if you do, I suspect our lovely demure little roommate has probably broken them by now."
Kitty rolled her eyes and dropped to the ground as Jubilee pulled her headphones down around her neck and tossed her hair back from her face. "What the hell did she get in the mail?"
Jubilee shrugged. "Just a letter. I think Logan tried to get all touchy feely on her or something, though, and she's just pissed. I dunno, he probably pulled a guy thing and told her he left to protect her or something."
Kitty sunk her head into her hands. "You think he's that stupid? He's supposed to know her, isn't he?"
"He's a man," Jubilee replied with all the easy confidence of a teenager. "You know how they've got that thing about hurting us . . . like they should get to decide how our lives go based on what they think hurts us."
Another shrill curse made both jump as something distinctly heavy struck the door.
And then it jerked open, and Kitty scrambled out of the way as Rogue strode out, looking perfectly composed for someone who'd been hurling obscenities around a second before.
"Men are idiots," she exclaimed by way of explanation when Kitty raised an eyebrow at her.
"Oh." Jubilee shot Kitty a warning glance before she could say anything else, which was probably a good idea based on the glint in Rogue's eyes.
Jubilee, however, didn't seem too excited to head her own advice. "So, no package?"
Rogue snarled. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Good plan," Kitty cut in quickly, pinching Jubilee's arm and causing her mouth to snap shut before she could say anything else.
"I'm going to see the baby," Rogue announced, the glint in her eyes daring anyone to comment.
Her roommates kept very quiet.
"Okay then." Still grinding her teeth, Rogue stalked off down the hallway, muttering to herself.
"Think she's got the letter on her?" Jubilee whispered. "Or do you think it's--"
"Jubilee!" Kitty tried to sound appalled. "We are not reading her private mail. And that is final."
"Oh, c'mon." Standing, Jubilee gathered her CD's into her arms and wandered back into the room. "Don't you think we have a right to find out just how long she's going to be acting like this?"
Kitty just snorted, but she had to admit--it was awful tempting.
After all, someone had to look after Rogue until Logan got bored of playing footise with pen and paper and got his ass back where it belonged.