Title: Yester Life: The Gossamer Thread Of Time|
Author: Kia Mira
Fandom: X-Men (movie)
Rating: NC-17 for disturbing imagery. Dealing with graphic scene's about an infant's death.
Summary: A few taped confession's Rogue is listening to some tapes after another strange dream.
Series: #7 in the "Yester Life" series
Category: Wolverine/Rogue non-brotherly/sisterly love. Which means that I might explore feelings of a sexual nature so...
Disclaimer: If I owned them I wouldn't be posting here. LOL so just keep that in mind.
FEEDBACK!!!!: at firstname.lastname@example.org
Notes: I am writting this to the end. That means that by the time it ends. Wolverine/Logan knows what happened to him. Rogue and he start a life together and they are happy. I know imposible! That's what you think. Sit back and watch. I'll do it and give it all a ring of reality after a few more parts. I am trying to take my life back. Once I get this story out I might be able to do something other than sit in front of my computer.
He was strapped to a gurney in a dark room. He could feel the pain that they had inflicted on his body still even though the insicions had healed days ago. He had been in this place for what felt like eternity. His feet and legs felt heavy. He could hardly move them. He should have realized this would happen if he ever let someone know about himself, but he had only thought of the duty he had to fulfill.
'He was a patriot and how were they repaying him for his service.' this was the monologue that repeated itself over and over again inside his head as the montage played in his sleeping mind. He knew that this thought was not his, but their on going diatribe. They wanted him to be loyal to them when they finished with him. If there was anything left.
They would be there soon he knew. It had been a long time since they had taken him to that horrible place where they cut him.
As if the thought had conjoured them the door opened. They were speaking in that langague again. The langague he thought had to be that of the Hun's. Th en they were in the room and speaking to him in their heavily accented english.
"Ah, you ar' a'wake. Gudt, gudt we thought you might want to see yer wife."
He was oddly happy for a moment and then he went cold. Marie was there, but how? Why! No!No, she had to be back at their little apartment of rooms. They were lying.
"We Are sorry to say she didn't take the news of yer demise well and when she heard her child died during testink she was ovar come wit grief and regretible jumpedt out from a window. A pity she didt not give us the chance to tell her of the miraclous recovery of her dear huzbandt."
He had become frantic as they wheeled a gurney into the room and parked it beside his. Her body was contorted unnaturally and her hospital gown was soaked in blood. His eyes wondered from her tiny ankles up her slinder legs then over the rest of her body until they came to her open eyes. They were vacant and cloudy with death. And the lips he had gentle kissed before stepping aboard that train were ghastly white a thin trickle of blood at the corner.
Then he noticed a tiny figure layed beside Marie. it looked as though it had been tortured. Cuts were visible on the tiny body and it was an odd bluish cast to its skin.
"Ah, I see you have foundt your son. Unfortunatily he showed no sings of your special mutation. So, he did not survive the testink."
It was as though his soul was being ripped from his being and the beastial sounding, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" that filled the small room could be heard echoing through the room in which he awoke.
Logan rolled to a sitting position at the edge of the bed. His chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. This dream had been very intense moreso than the one's he had the last time he slept under Xavier's roof.
He longed for a cigar, but couldn't bring himself to light it in her room. He had to see her. Standing up from the bed he took the walkman and the next tape in hand and left the room as quietly as he could. It was a short elevator ride to the containment area.
He stood outside the room staring at the sleeping figure lying in the center of the really big white room. Then he turned his back to the wall and slid down to sit against it and listen to the rest of Rogue's messages.
"Mornin' Login. I hope you slept better than I did. But I won't hold my breath. 'Cause I know you didn't. I had the best dream last night, but I can't tell you what it was about. It seems like even the good ones leave me feelin' lost and fragile like. Anyway, I talked to Professor X and he said he would call Regressor today." A ringing could be heard in the background and then the pounding of footsteps. "Bye, Login. I have a physics test next period. I should 'ave been studin' for that, but I felt the need to talk to someone."Then a double click was heard as the machine was turned off and on again.
"Sorry, it has been a while, but I wanted to have my first session with regressor before I taped anymore. Well, it has actually been about four weeks since I last talked to you. We couldn't find a past life and I was about to give up on it, but then we found one. we will find out more tomorrow. This is kind of strange, but the route my past family traveled was the same as the one I took to get to Laughlin City. Regressor says it isn't unusual for your past life to influence your presant life. She says things like deja vu are really our past lives vibrating through our consciousness. Like sound through a telephone wire. She is puzzled by the lack of subsiquant lifes leading to this one, but thinks we might find the answer's in our next session."
"I met you today! We'll at least my past self met your past self, but that is to confusing so I'll just stick with, 'I met you today.'" He heard her hesitation as if she were unsure of what she wanted to say next. Then she was speaking slowly almost timidly. "It was just like in Laughlin when I saw you that first time." She laughs lightly in her throat and continues. "Only with your shirt on."
"I was walkin' along lookin' for the general store thinkin' I had just landed in a town straight from the book of Revelation. " Another little laugh and then a sigh. "Then I saw this man with his back to me and I couldn't move or think. Then almost like he knew I was there he turned and his eyes peirced me. My heart did this funny little jump and then started poundin' so heart I thought it might explode." her voice took on an husky undertone as she continued. "Oh, Logan it was the same as the first time you looked at me in that god foresaken bar in Canada. I had these really wicked thoughts. I know you're thinkin' how wicked can a teen age girl's thoughts get when her only experience with sex, a fumbling kiss, left her would be suiter in a coma for three weeks." He heard an amused inhalation of breath and then her oddly throaty response to her last statement. "Let's just say I think my past life was breakin' the sound barrier. Oh, God, I can't believe I actually told you that. Ew!" there was a faint fluttering then, "I think the heat is on in here."
" Just a quick note to you logan. I heard Scott refer to you as 'Wolfie'. I about died laughin' I hope you don't mind, but it was just so cute. Just so you know I hope you bring that motorcycle back in one piece. I heard him cursing to beat the band that evening when he and jean were on the way out. I thought he was goin' to need a seditive." A male voice was heard on the tape,'who are you talkin' to?', 'Nobody. Just myself.', 'better finish that page and then get to session.', 'Sure thing, Cyclop's'. then, "Sorry, Logan gotta go."
"Oh, my god Logan. This is sereal. I just got out of my latest session. You came to my house and asked my father for my hand. Here is some information I gathered from the talk you had with my past self's father. He was upset about you bein' thirteen years my senior. So I guess you would have been born around 1882. We are up to the year 1913. It is winter time with lots of snow. Just like-well- just like when we were drivin' before the accident. We ended the session before I made my disicion. Regressor says we will get to that part tomorrow. She says I should be happy for the anticpation. I guess, but if it were the me of now makin' the disicion of then I'd have said yes right their while my father raged on and on about age differences."
"What a wierd turn of events. I can't sleep again tonight, but not because of the dreams. It is because I am not havin' any dreams tonight. I have been lyin' here tossin' and turnin' in a sort of semi-sleep waitin' for you to come to my dreams and you haven't come yet. My session is first thing in the mornin' instead of after math class. I can't wait to find out what-" Her words cut off and then the walkman gave a loud click as it came to the end of the tape and stopped.
Login fumbled with the machine as he changed the tapes and then pushed play.
"I'm sorry about last week Logan. I know you're thinkin' what do you mean last week? I tried to tell you about the session, but it was way to personal. I guess I am just a great big chicken." There was an empty space of silence that seemed to last for minutes, but could only be seconds. "Regressor took me ahead a week after your past self came and asked my past self's father for my hand. I have to say I hope my answer was yes. Especially with the thangs we were doin' when Regressor and I arrived." She cleared her throat and then continued. "Regressor pulled out as soon as she realized what I was remembering. Have you ever heard the old sayin', like a fox afire?, well that is how fast I jumped out. She said we could go back but I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want to have her with me in my head when I saw this. She thinks it is just that I was embaressed, but it wasn't that as much as I wanted it to be just us knowin' these things. You, me, and our past selves."
There was another lengthy pause as the tape continued on in the wake of her silence. "I tried to put the things I saw out of my mind, but they were so beautiful." There was a puase as she took a deep steadying breath. There was a sniff and Logan was pretty sure she was crying. He felt a tightening in his chest where is heart was supposed to be. "I saw the way in my past life, I enjoied being touched by my husband." Logan's brow furrowed. She had refered to her husband and herself. Obviously she wasn't confortable speaking of his past counterpart and herself in that way. Why would she be that wasn't the type of relationship they had shared upto this point. "And I realized, I realized that I'll never know that kind of intimacy in this life." He could hear the tears in her voice. "I haven't said anything to Regressor or Jean, but I have been dreamin' about that day in the forest. The memory that freaked me out. I have never felt the emotions that I felt during that dream. It was so real. So intense. I decided last night after having had the dream again that I have to know why I choose this mutation." She sighed. "I really believe that we choose our powers. Regressor says that it is only external factors that go into the rebirthing process that causes the mutation to occur. I think it has to do with will. So I guess I'll talk to her after this session. I feel an odd since of forebodin' as I prepare for this next session. Bye Logan."
Logan shut the machine off he knew that the next session had never ended that the gossamer thread was still strung between past and presant. Pushing himself to his feet he turned to the window and watched as Rogue, now awake, rocked to and fro. He could feel the past in himself tonight. It was a heavy cloak as he remembered the dream that had driven him down here. He felt the shell that had formed around his heart crack as she embedded herself a little more firmly into his heart.
Pressing his forehead and hands to the window he watched her wishing he could comfort her, but knowing that it was impossible. Almost as though she were drawn to him, he watched as Rogue stood up and walked to the glass and placed a hand on the glass where his forehead was. Stunned he lifted his head. Xavier said that the window was hidden. That the window looked as though it was just another part of the wall. He watched as she froaned and lifted her other hand to the glass and then slid them until they were over his own hands. Tears appeared in her eyes as she pressed her forehead to a spot just below where his had rested. Without realizing it he also moved placing his head back on the glass, and watched as she closed her eyes. Closing his eyes memories flashed through his mind.
A woman who sang to him. He felt love for...his mother.
A screaming baby that was all red and slimey looking. 'Your sister', his mother said.
Then he was an older. A young man of about 19. He was watching his sister walk down a church aisle. She was getting married.
Older still as he worked loading planks on the back of a truck. He felt someone staring at him. He turns and he sees her. Her auburn hair piled on her head in a sensible bun. Her eyes the windows of her soul. Snarring him for all time.
He is walking up a walk that leads to her house. They had seen each other last week as she stood on the street. He had been taken from that moment. Then they met again by chance at the church. They had spoken only a few words and he knew she was the one. He straightened his tie and raised his hand to knock.
She opens the door her eyes shining as soon as she sees him. He knows she felt it, too. The joining of their souls that first day. 'I've come to ask for your hand.', he states boldly. She blushes and her eyes widening. 'Uh, if that is to your liking.'
He sees her walking down the aisle of the church. She is like an angel.
Standing before him bare on their wedding night. Excited, but scared.
The train station. She is putting on a brave face. She wants him to remember her with a smile on her face. She doesn't know he listend to her cry in the bath that morning. He gives her the locket and kisses her. Then strows forth into his destiny.
The memories went on and on and he is leaden with them. Memories of a life time. A life to long. One-hundred and four years to long. He opened startled eyes as they came crashing down on him. Then he closed them as tears formed in them and blocked his view. His head still bent low to hers, his hands still pressing to the barrier between them the only thing keeping him from sinking to the ground under the weight of the years.
That was how Dr. Jean Grey and Professor Xavier found them. Logan knew they had arrived beside him, but he didn't want to break the connection he felt with Rogue. It was only when he realised he ached in his lower back and arms that he relented. He had no idea how long they stood like this, but if his body hurt, then hers must also. Moving his hands on the glass till they framed her face he waited until she moved bringing her face up and looked up as though into his eyes. Then he slowly stepped away from the glass. She did the same thing on her side though she hovered close by it hugging her arms tight around her. Then after flexing his shoulders and neck he turned to Xavier and Jean.
"Good Morning." The elder man said.
"Yeah." Logan said. "I want to help her. She is stuck between two lives. She was able to escape this part of her past life, but we messed with her reality when we stopped her from killing herself. She is in mental dispair in her past life unable to deal with the pain. She isn't leaving on her own because she doesn't know how. I think she is affraid that if she leaves this place she won't exsist in either. In order to deal with the pain Rogue put up walls to keep you out. It is these walls that are keeping you from bringing her back. I think if we were to give Marie Woolf comfort and ease her grief Rogue would be strong enough to lower her mental walls."
"What sort of comfort?" Jean asked.
"She jumped from that window because those Nazi bastards told her I was dead. They wanted our child because of my mutation. They had already started the surguries. They showed me her twisted body as I lay recuperating from the last series. I think if she was given her husband she would feel a measure of relief."
"You remember." Xavier said.
"Yes." Logan said.
"How?" was Jean's puzzled question.
"May I?" Charles asked.
"Yeah." Logan said. Not really liking the thought of Xavier walking around inside his mind, but unwilling to prevent him from knowing all that he needed to know to save Rogue.
Charles closed his eyes and stepped into Logan's mind. After several minutes he smiled and then turned to Jean. "Older than I indeed." he said. "Come with me Logan. We have been working on a latex covering. It is actually being designed so that Rogue can touch casually if she wants. It is a thin protective covering that is sprayed over the entire boby. Once it dries it adhers to the skin, but can be removed if need be."
"I don't want it."
"Excuse me?" Xavier asked as he stopped and wheeled his chair around. "Logan, I know you think you can handle this, but...I'm affraid I have to insist."
"Didn't your mother ever teach you to respect your elders?"
"I have a great deal of respect for you, Logan. I just question your ability to make a decsion like that right this moment."
With another look at the woman who was counting on him he followed Charles Xavier down the corridor.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:Next part struggling to the fore of my mind as I type.