Title: Just Watching (Daniel)|
Author: Rauhnee Ranshanka
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Summary: Daniel watches Jack at the same time and muses.
Series: Just Watching (#2)
Spoilers: None, really.
Pairings: Jack O'Neill/ Daniel Jackson
Codes: Slash (M/M)
Status: Urr, not sure. Finished.
Date: May 10, 1999
Disclaimer: Not mine, but TPTB weren't letting them play.
Archive: Yes to: Area52, CKoS, haven-of-fic, WWOMB, DANIELite
All Others: Just let me know where.
Notes: Written for the Write_List The Window Exercise. (Pick a window at home, school, work, or anywhere else you like. Write about what you see through the window. It can be a neutral observation, just a slice of daily life from a personal point of view or it can be a more complex short story.)
What Has Gone Before: The series up to some indeterminate point in the future.
P3M620. The ruins are fascinating, but not as fascinating as Colonel Jack O'Neill for me these days.
He's up on the ridge under the only palm tree standing guard over the entire dig. A rifle resting as comfortably in his hands as I hold spade or book. I understand that weapon and the pistol he also carries; it's uses and it's purposes and I'm as good with them as I need to be. But I'll never be that comfortable with it. To him it's nearly an extension of his body.
I've never liked the military. The strict order, the violence, the blindness to the beauty in people and the world and discovery. I never tolerated having the military in my life until I met him. Dear Jack, how in the universe did I come to love you? You're everything I've hated my entire life up till now.
When we met you were even more blind than most of your kind, but it was at least from a pain I understood. We survived that mission with hardly an unrequired word and I felt little loss when you left.
When we met again you'd started to heal and I saw the supremely dedicated and loyal man beneath the surface. I wish you'd never come back. I still might have lost Sha're, but at least I could have held her memory purely. What can I say to her now? You're back, I still love you but I love someone else more? Some days I hope we never find her, or find her irrevocably dead so I won't have to face her with this truth -- and so I don't have to face it myself. The quest is definitely looking more rewarding than the finding this time. The ending of this will be nothing but pain, the path is doing so much good.
What I really don't understand is why I want him, how I came to love him. He's not that attractive, really. Not bad looking, but I expected the first man I would fall for to be some kind of g... umm ... supermodel type. Someone that can take your breath away with a glance.
Jack's not like that. It's not the same thing I felt, or feel or Sha're. There was real fire between us. Jack and I just kind of... are. For all his sarcasm and dissing of what I care about, I'm comfortable around him in a way I'm not around anyone else. It just doesn't make sense. But it still is.
One of these days I'm going to have to risk everything and try to tell him what he means to me. In the meantime I cheat. I drag him around to see and listen to my little discovers every chance I get. On a mission like this I can get his almost undivided attention once or twice a day. He's even started to tolerate it really well these days. I guess I wore down his willingness to ignore me when it's quiet.
Hmmm, this will do nicely. A nearly undamaged pottery statue with the paint still on it, probably related to the Olmec.
"Hey, Jack. What's up?" I call to him with the statue in my hands.
He shrugs lightly. "Nothing, just keeping an eye out for trouble."