Title: I Love the Way You Love Me (Love Letters 1/3)|
Fandom: SW TPM (Slash)
Summary: Qui-Gon's on a mission and Obi misses him - part 1
Series: Yes, the Love Letters Series (3 parts)
Disclaimer: The characters depicted in this story belong to George Lucas, the creator of the Star Wars Universe, where have we heard that before? No copyright infringement is intended.
Archive: M-A; Haven-of-Fic please, my website (http://www.user.xpoint.at/e.lebic/default.htm)
Notes: Do drop me a line and tell me if you liked it!
A huge thank you to Dark~Angel for the beta...any remaining faults are...unmistakably...mine ;-)
I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME (LOVE LETTERS part I)
Obi-Wan slumped down in the middle of the quarters he shared with his Master. He was completely and utterly exhausted. It was hard to believe that helping to clean a library could do this to him - well, he had stretched his patience to breaking-point - one more thing to tell Qui-Gon when he came back. The council had sent him on a solo mission someplace...his Padawan had not been told where to.
Obi-Wan sighed. It was not as if he objected to being on his own -even though his Master meant the world to him it was good to get away from each other sometimes. Just - not now - especially today he wished fervently that he did not have to spend the day - the evening he corrected himself - alone. It was their first anniversary after all. But it seemed Qui-Gon had forgotten the exact day they became lovers a year ago. Obi-Wan had not. And never would for that matter.
His Master would not be home for days yet, and there had been no message from him. Another sigh escaped the young man. He had been asked not to touch the training bond so as not to disturb Qui-Gon in whatever he was doing, wherever he was doing it. The sun was already setting and Obi-Wan rose slowly, deciding to get a bite to eat. He would simply spend the evening meditating, then take a long, hot bath and think of his Master...
The door chime sounded shrill to his ears after the quiet of the library he had worked in the whole day. He almost jumped, only his Jedi training keeping the polite smile on his face as he opened the door. "Master Yoda!" Too late he noticed the slight rise in his voice. He was on the verge of apologizing, when the little creature brushed past him into the living room and settled down on the sofa.
"Invite me in, you would not." A shake of the green head accompanied every word. "Need to talk to you I do. Disturb you long, I will not."
Obi-Wan nodded, fighting to keep his discomfort at bay - what in Sith's name had he done that was bad enough to account for one of the senior council members to pay him a visit?
"I hope I have not done anything... I'm very sorry, Master Yoda -would you like something to drink? A snack?" The young man cursed himself silently. This embarrassment was worse than any punishment, how could he have been so impolite and thoughtless...
"Sit down here, you will. Nervous, you must not be." Yoda waved his hand around the room, then patted the cushion beside him. Obi-Wan sat down carefully, as if not to disturb the little particles of dust visible on the fabric in the dim, reddish glow of the evening sun.
"Your anniversary it is. Miss you, your master does."
If it were possible for someone's eyes to fall out of their sockets then Obi-Wan's were close to that end in his surprise. "How do you know? I thought...I mean that...he didn't want to tell the council and..."
Yoda chuckled. "Know of you, I did. So happy, Qui-Gon seemed, so fulfilled. Many causes, there could not be. Nearest conclusion you were."
The young man broke into a brilliant smile. "You really think I make him happy?"
Though self-confident, Obi-Wan had doubted that his relationship with his Master was beneficial to the latter in any way. True, he loved him, but that did not automatically mean that it was a real cause of happiness to him...
"Think on this later, you can. Here I am only to give you this." The little Jedi Master pulled a slightly crumpled envelope out of the pocket of his faded green tunic and held it out to the young man beside him. Seeing the questioning look he chuckled again. "From Qui-Gon this is. Entrusted me with it, he did. Give it to you today, I should." When Obi-Wan took the letter, Yoda got up and padded towards the door. "Happy anniversary to you, I wish."
He chuckled once more, then the door closed behind him. The Padawan stared at the paper in his hand. "So he hasn't forgotten after all..." he mumbled as a slow smile spread on his face.
To Obi-Wan. His Master's handwriting definitely was beautiful, clear, bold and straight. Carefully, Obi-Wan opened the envelope and took out the sheets filled with words, some of them crossed out, as if written in great haste - or while trying hard to put down everything at once...
Dear love, I'm sorry this is only a letter and that I can't say all this to you in person. But this mission is very important for...various reasons and I had to accept it. So, as I won't be here for our anniversary...there are things I've been wanting to tell you for some time now and never got to do it...this is...I did my best to write it all down, without forgetting.
Happy anniversary, love. I really am...you make me happy...I can't tell you in words what you mean to me, I must admit. I've been sitting here for at least half an hour searching for the right words. I love you is all I came up with - not exactly creative, I would say. What I think I should do at this particular point in our relationship, what I planned to do tonight, is to tell you exactly what your company, your love and - above all, you mean to me.
It's hard to explain, love, but I will do my best. It's a thousand little things you do, or say or sometimes just the way you move, or how you turn your head towards me, catch my eye. A glance from you is so much more than a simple look, it's like a message, I can see your affection for me so clear then, as if you were touching my heart that moment.
Obi-Wan's smile deepened. He had never thought he would hold a love letter from his Master in his hands... and most of all not one addressed solely to him. It was just like Qui-Gon to consider every possibility, and he had not forgotten their anniversary.
This alone was enough to make the young man perfectly happy. He was contented and warmed by the simple token of love he held at this moment - a letter for him, to tell him what his beloved felt for him. He grinned foolishly, looking at the bloody streaks the sun cast into the room, then turned on the light and went back to reading...
You'll probably laugh, but the first thing that came to my mind when I began writing is that you're precious. Just that. And then I thought I should give you a few reasons why you're so special. So I sifted through my memories, considered all we've done together, all we've been through - and - apart from the obvious - your being a true friend, a just courageous man and an excellent fighter I can count on in every situation - I remembered that time when we were on Irrynia 6.
You were sixteen, and you came to me one evening and grinned foolishly, then sat down beside me and said you had to ask me a very important question. I looked at you and I knew that moment that you'd been up to mischief. You told me then that you had fallen in love with a girl and that you would like to act on it. And you wanted my advice. I can't remember what I said...only that it ended up with you calling her at the temple and telling her what you felt for her.
I was in my room, when you burst in, grinning from ear to ear, then took my hand and announced you were happy enough to explode while you dragged me with you. Then we were standing in the arcade, with the rain pouring down outside and you said that the girl was in love with you too. It was so simple really, but you were glowing, your eyes sparkled and you pulled me outside, drenching both of us as you started to jump about wildly.
I thought you must have gone mad, but you just grinned and hopped about in the garden, lifting your face to catch the raindrops, imitating some native dance you had seen, though I must say it was poorly done, love. Your dancing skills have improved greatly over the last years.
You called for me to join you - and - I remember clearly how silly I thought it would look, but your eyes, the pure joy in your face, it all overwhelmed me and I felt so happy, seeing your happiness that I actually joined you...the locals were most amused - fortunately - for if they had told the council about this episode I guess we would have been given a hard time of it...but it was worth it nevertheless.
Yes, it had been worth it. He remembered. They had danced in the rain for almost an hour, just hopping about, it had been such a silly thing to do and he had known all the while that he wanted nothing else just then. Obi-Wan turned the page over as he continued.
And that is one of the reasons I fell in love with you, Obi-Wan. Your sometimes reckless pursuit of things you felt you had to do, whether they were appropriate at that moment or not. And how you convinced me that it was perfectly fine to let go once in a while, to behave in a completely undignified way.
Irrynia 6 was only an example... if I think of Mon Calamari -goodness, that race after that colourful fish - I forgot the name -we spent hours on that - for no particular reason, if I'm not very much mistaken. All you said was that it would be great to take a closer look at it and that we'd just have to get at it. Our guide had a good laugh at us, if you remember.
As if he'd ever forget that - his Master's hair had come undone and he had had it plastered all over his face by the water, as there was no time to push it back - the current was strong and that fish extremely fast. When they had emerged from the water, Qui-Gon had done his best to keep his face level, but the smirk and sparkle in his eyes betrayed him. He had enjoyed that episode just as much as his student had...
I guess you'll be smiling now, love. I'm grinning like a fool myself... I also remember how often we disagreed about your baths. You take ages to soak yourself and you won't forget about it - when we were on Elavan, mediating between the tribes in the desert - you kept reminding me that I had promised you a bathtub in the capital.
You wouldn't let me forget - and then you sat in it for...how long? I only remember finishing a particularly long report and then reading a few chapters of a local novel before you eventually emerged from your bath, you were virtually steaming...
Oh, yes, he remembered that particular evening very well. Very well indeed. He had not forgotten one moment. He still treasured what had happened then - always would - it had been that evening exactly a year ago when they had first confessed their feelings for each other...
You looked so lovely...and I wanted to kiss you so badly...I thought of so many things to say while I just looked at you and I couldn't pronounce one single word. So I let go as you had told me to do. It was a risk I had been afraid to take for a long time and though I was in a tremor all the time I won't ever regret it...
Qui-Gon had looked at him so softly, warmly - and he had caught his gaze, seen the depth in his blue eyes and then a wave of unconditional love had splashed over him, dazing him with its sheer force. It had taken him a while to understand that these feelings came from his Master and were directed at him. There had not been a question or a hope in them, just pure, true and sincere love, affection and respect for him as a person.
You reacted very slowly, it was a lot I flung at you then - and I remember how hard it was to keep my longing, my hopes away from you -the last thing I ever wanted was to influence you, love.
But you needed no convincing - the second you stepped towards me I knew you loved me, I saw it in your eyes, they were smiling, glowing with acceptance...you didn't stop until you stood before me and then my heart caught, and I felt like a youth again - someone who's never been kissed...I cherish that kiss, it lies in my mind and I haven't forgotten one movement of your lips or your tongue or how you tugged at my braid, opened it and stroked through my hair...
Obi-Wan grinned. Typical. Not that he had forgotten himself. That kiss had swept him off his feet - not that he would have told Qui-Gon - but he would now; after all, he had a right to know what an impression he had made as a lover from the very beginning...
When I first said your name after that...it was so strange, I thought it sounded different, love...maybe I'm being foolish, but I swear your name was different when I spoke to you as a lover for the very first time...
See - I haven't forgotten last year, love and I'll keep those memories close to my heart. I've packed one of your cloaks, you probably haven't noticed...did I mention your closet's in a state of complete chaos?
I wanted to have something of yours close to me at night...now you're laughing, aren't you? But your scent always comforts me, and when I think of your sniffing and crying all the many times we've watched some romantic holo vids together...that's all I need to fall asleep...yes, I'm teasing you, love...and I'll never stop...
Oh, well. It would have been too much to ask that his Master would forget his less than distinguished reaction to a few of the more...touching holo vids they had watched. In one the heroine lost her mother, in the other, someone's darling pet died after it had given its owner one last look with deep brown eyes... Great, now here he was sniffling again.
He just could not help it - it was so...moving...and Qui-Gon knew how much that affected him. He loved to tease him about it, then pull him close, hugging him, patting his back and kissing the top of his head. That was why Obi-Wan cherished these moments more than most others. He felt so safe then, so comforted...
Where was I? Yes, all I meant to do in this letter was to tell you how I feel, how much you mean to me. And here I am telling you stories you already know. All I should have written down was the following: you're my life, love. And I'm completely and utterly in earnest.
You make me feel at ease, no matter how tense the situation, I can rely on you, you back me up and criticise me at the next moment...and you comfort me when I need you to. All this and a lot more makes up the reasons for my loving you. And even though I won't be with you when you read this I hope you'll know that I'm thinking of you and that you're in my heart always. Qui-Gon
Obi-Wan slowly put the letter aside. A tear had slipped past his lashes and made its way down his cheek. He had never imagined. These words came right from his lover's heart, from someone who truly and utterly cherished him and needed him.
He even admitted to once in a while liking to be comforted. And all the things he had thought were the most natural in the world - being there, accepting, advising even...all those were important to Qui-Gon - he noticed them all, did not just take them for granted.
The young man smiled, brushing the tear from his face. He carefully put the letter back into the envelope, then got up, padding lightly into the bathroom. His lover was right - a hot bath was the thing he craved most when he wanted to relax...that - and Qui-Gon's body close to him...and though the latter would have to wait until his Master came home, he would most certainly indulge in the first...
The End (for now)
I Love the Way You Love Me
I like the feel of your name on my lips
I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
But I love the way you love me,
I like the sound of all Rs and Bs
But I love the way you love me,
And I could list a million things I'd love to like about you
But I love the way you love me,
The song "I Love the Way You Love Me" can be found on the album "By Request" from Boyzone (copyright 1999 Universal Music Ireland), the transcript was made by me. No copyright infringement is intended.