Title: Master, Let Me Know|
Fandom: Star Wars TPM (slash)
Summary: Qui-Gon's feelings are in turmoil after spending a night with Obi-Wan (Yoda's throwing himself into the fray again too ;-D)
Series/Spoilers: none/not really - did anyone think I could write a story with no spoilers at all for TPM? (Honestly, I didn't.)
Category: Romance, H/C
Disclaimer: the characters in this story belong to George Lucas, the almighty creator of this playground :D. No copyright infringement is intended.
Archive: M/A please; my website (http://www.user.xpoint.at/e.lebic/default.htm); Haven-Of-Fic
Author's Notes: Huge THANK YOU *smiles to Darry, who once again, did a fantastic job betaing this.
Feedback is always welcomed, even better is any form of detailed criticism; rave reviews and smilies *grins can be sent to me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
MASTER, LET ME KNOW.
It had to have been a mistake. There was no other way of seeing it. His Padawan was too young; he couldn't ask him to give up all the possibilities of happiness within another's arms just for this tug of hormones that had led to the events of last night.
True, he himself had never experienced such utter trust and devotion before, such an intensity of emotions as he had with Obi-Wan as a lover, and he knew that deep in his heart he would hold onto the memories they had created for the rest of his life.
But it was wrong, a relationship he must not indulge in, no matter how much he cherished their lovemaking. It was his duty to respect the fact that his apprentice could have been his son, he was 25 years his junior and such a love ill advised and far too risky for both of them.
If he really gave in to the demands of his heart - Sith - 'his heart' - that was the key. What did he know of Obi-Wan's thoughts and feelings on this subject? Nothing, nothing at all - it was so easy to let himself be fooled by - what exactly? The emotions he had picked up from the young man? It had seemed like love to him, yet who was he to say that he hadn't been totally mistaken?
Qui-Gon Jinn, the ever serene and composed Jedi Master felt himself completely at a loss. His deep love for his apprentice was more of a bother than a revelation - he had to let go of this chance the young man had offered him, for the sake of both of them. It would break his heart to discover that Obi-Wan had only reacted in response to the heat of the moment, the unspoken desire for him he saw in his Master's eyes, that the apprentice's youthful recklessness had landed them in bed.
A one-night stand - so that was what he had to see it as. He had to believe that it was no more and in time he might be able to accept it as well. He felt like an old man all of a sudden, as he rose from his meditative position and brushed the grass and tiny flowers off his robe. It was time to return to his quarters.
Meeting Obi-Wan was inevitable and he would have to stand the scrutiny of a gaze so intense it could break his heart when he told the young man that he was to forget last night and that he could be assigned to another Master if he wished. He sighed heavily, squared his shoulders and marched from the gardens, his face a mask of perfect composure and his eyes burning with unshed tears.
"Why come to me you have?"
"I didn't know who else to turn to, Master Yoda. I admit I wouldn't have talked to anyone about last night, if I hadn't known that the Council would in no way consider holding my..." Obi-Wan hesitated briefly, before he continued. "...Master responsible for...what happened."
"Tell him you should. Share your feelings. Stupid, Qui-Gon can be."
"Don't you mean 'stubborn', Master Yoda?"
"No - 'stupid', I mean. Love you he does. Otherwise touch you he would not. Fear an involvement he does. Believe your love he does not. Stupid he is."
Obi-Wan smiled. He had not expected Master Yoda's reaction to be so -strong. For a Jedi as old and wise as him it was rare to let so much of his opinion be known in such a plain, open form. He usually talked in riddles that somehow went very well with his pattern of speech.
"You won't tell my Master, will you?"
"Want me to tell him, you do?"
"No. I would prefer talking to him myself."
"Silent I will be. Depend on me you can."
"Thank you, Master Yoda. I believe it is time I returned to my quarters."
The ancient Jedi nodded gravely, then waved his hand as the young man retreated. His mouth slowly spread in a grin - after all, he knew Qui-Gon Jinn well enough to understand his doubts and to be sure of this whole episode ending exactly where it had begun. For no matter how 'serene' Master Jinn was - his heart won over his head at the best of times - and so it would be now.
When Qui-Gon palmed in the access code to his quarters, he scanned the rooms for his Padawan's presence - he didn't seem to be in, however.
Before any wild guesses could obscure his rational judgement of the situation, he concentrated on the door opening, then stepped inside in a rush. He saw the data-pad that lay on the little desk in the middle of the room at once and scooped it up without thinking.
It was a message from Obi-Wan - or so it seemed. Qui-Gon settled in his chair and slowly read it, letting the words sink in.
Let me know your thoughts and break the shadows that obscure The tender feelings in your heart and all the beauty of your soul. So often have I told you that I love you, never ever would I lure You on the Dark Side, let you lose too much of your control.
So tell me what it is you fear, what crime you find me guilty of -There must be something that explains, the change I see in you, One night has driven us apart, destroyed the tokens of my love -I gave you everything I have, opened my heart and soul to you.
What did I do to hurt you so, what helpless horrors do I hold? What made you turn away from me and just give up on me? Was I too demanding, reckless, passionate or bold? Why won't you tell me, make me understand and see,
The faults that have turned out to be the end of something That hasn't even yet begun, a love so deep it could turn Time and space into a dream - for both of us - a thing So powerful and true I cannot bear to ever learn
You held it for another. I love you, want to know your mind, All of your faults shall treasures be that thrive on love; I want to hold you and create an endless bond of such a kind That we will never be apart, in life or death, my dearest love.
PS: Meditation Gardens by the willow, 2000 hours >
Obi-Wan forced himself to sit still. It was almost time for his Master to show up and he was beginning to be very nervous. He still couldn't believe what he had written - it was not like him to make a show of his feelings like this. But, following Master Yoda's advice, he hadn't left out a single thing.
He only hoped he wasn't making a complete fool out of himself, he sure felt like one now, demanding his Master let him know all that was on his mind, demanding he open up completely and give away his deepest secrets.
'This is what you want. Don't deny it. You want all of him, not just a lover who gives you physical pleasure.' A voice in his head chided him. And he knew it to be the truth - he wanted more than sex. He could have been with quite a number of people that night - but he had chosen his Master because he loved him. So easy and yet so very complicated. He heard a soft rustling in the leaves and stood up to face the man who was coming towards him, the setting sun at his back.
Obi-Wan indicated the space on the bench beside him, and they both sat down, their eyes glued to the changing hues over the Coruscant skyline. They didn't speak, there was nothing they could have expressed with words at this moment.
"I love you."
The young man smiled. "And I you."
He took the other man's hand in his own and snuggled closer to him. For a long time they just sat there and looked at the sky's changing from orange to reddish gold, from dark purple to black, and tiny sparkles beginning to light up the vastness of space above them.
A shuffling sound, robes dragging over the soft grass drew their attention to the little figure that appeared before them.
"Bed-time it is. Sat here long enough, you have. Talk about life-bond you should. Council session tomorrow there is. 1400 hours. Late, you will not be." Yoda emphasized every word with a pounding of his stick on the ground, then he turned round abruptly and left the two men smiling at each other.
Obi-Wan rose first. "We should listen to Master Yoda, don't you think...Qui-Gon?"
The elder man nodded, took the proffered hand and followed him to their quarters. In the shadows, a small Jedi Master watched them leave, a wide grin spreading his face, and his eyes full of sorrow in the premonition of events to come.
The biggest lie you ever told - your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
I wanna know you - like I know myself
The saddest song you ever heard - the most you said with just one word
Your highest high, your lowest low - these are the things I want to know
The song "Inside Out" is copyrighted by Badman ltd. 1999 and sung by Bryan Adams (on the album "The Best of Me", Badman ltd 1999). No copyright infringement is intended.