Title: Gentle As It Kills
Author: Kia Mira
Email: kia_mira@bellsouth.net
Fandom: X-Men (movie)
Rating: NC-17 for sexual situation and disturbing imagery dealing with death.
Summary: Rogue is dying and Logan has a solution to his problem.
Category: Logan/Rogue romance
Disclaimer: Not Mine!

What would you do if the woman you loved was slowly dying? It has been a week since I found out and I still haven't got a clue. We are wringing what we can out of the days. Jean couldn't be sure how long Marie had left before our link and her mutation killed her.

Today we are in the mountians of upstate New York. We have been enjoying the coolness of the day. It is nearly winter and the trees have changing leaves. I am watching her when the thought occures to me that it is time. Time to put my plan in motion. I can almost feel how little time we have left. I am memorizing the way her face looks in the dimming fall sunlight. She has a head ache. They are increasing in their intensity. I can tell. She won't let me in her mind when she is having one. This one started an hour ago, but she refused to leave. She wants to be here. See the trees and the sunset. Watch the eagles as they fly and swoop overhead.

She refused to leave and I refused to ignore it. I have pushed it away everytime I am faced with her impending death. I am glad she has cut the connection for a moment. I do not want her to know what I have decided. I am afraid she will talk me out of it. That she will want my promise to let her go, but I will not promise that. I cannot. I would do anything she asked me but that. Because I could not keep that promise. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I watch as she runs her hand over the rough bark of a tree and then turns to me. She is smiling, but sadness is in her eyes.

"Logan?" she starts as she turns back to the tree her hands caressing the roughness under her hands. "It isn't fair that ah can touch this tree all I want, but I haven't ever felt my hands runnin' over your flesh."

I move to stand behind her. My chest pressing into her back. I don't speak because I know she hasn't finished yet. "You know we have shared so many intimate things these last eighteen years." I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her to me. "God, Logan the things you have done with me in our minds. Yet, in all that time it has always just been my hands on my own body. Your hands on yours." She rubbed her firm backside against my throbing erection. "I wish I could touch you like this." She rubs her fingers lightly over the tree once more. "I wish I knew what it was like to have your lips the places you imagine them. I wish I knew what you felt like-"she stopped her bodies shifting motion,"inside me."

Moving one hand from her shoulder's I wrap it around her waist and pull her to me. I can hear the startled gasp on her lips as I hold her there. I lean in and my lips are near her ear. Not touching but near.

"I know, babe." I say gruffly as I hold her their. I decide that know is a good time to broach the subject. "Will you marry me?" I say in a rush of breath against her ear. I can feel her body freeze and then I feel her body trembling. I know she is crying. "I've wanted that for a while now. Please babe."

I act like the desicion is hers to make, but it isn't. Her answer will decide the course of my life. Not only for the near future, but for eternity.

"Say yes." I push her with a whisper in her hair. "Please say yes." She turns to me and buries her face in my shirt. Her head bobbing up and down. "Does that mean yes?" I say relief running through me. I hear her muffled yes and I pick her up and hug her tightly to me.

"I love you, Marie." I feel my own tears falling from my eyes and onto her head. "Thank You."

Reaching into my pocket I pull out the little ring I have been carrying around with me since before I came back to the school. It is a band of silver with a knot that looks like an X in platnuim. Nestled inside the X is two tiny diamond chips. I push her away a little and reach for her hand. I pull her glove by its fingers to remove it. She starts to pull away. "My ring goes on your finger. It belongs there. I've carried it for twenty years. I've dreamed of it right here." I say as I place it at the tip of her finger. Then I slid it on her trembling hand and watch as she studies it. "Do you like it?" I ask unsure.

"It is beautiful, Logan."

"I bought it the week after I left Xavier's. I saw it and I had to have it. I had to guess at the size." I am sounding like a nervous teenager, but I can't calm myself.

"Ya did just fine." she murmurs. "You know I love you don't ya? I-I wish that-" she breaks of her eyes filling with sad tears again.

"Sshhhh...no tears today." I gather her up in my arms and start back to the car. "Come on. We should be headin' back to the school."

It was a long trip back to the school and she lay in the backseat the whole way. She is tired. Her reflexes have been effected by her mental strain. She sleeps quite a lot know. I will be movin' her things to my room tonight. I don't give a rat's ass what the others think. I can not leave herside. I am afraid for her. I am afraid for me. I must accomplish everything before-well just before. I carried her into the house straight up to my room and then I went down stairs and talked to the Professor and Jean. One-eye was there to, but I tried to ignore his part in the conversation.

"Professor I don't think it's a good idea." was the one thing he said I couldn't ignore. I turned and peirced his glasses with my eyes.

"Where the hell do you get off?" I can not sit any longer so I stand to pace. As I walk past Jean who is perched on the edge of Xavier's desk. I put a hand out and push her toward Scott. Letting her go when she stood shocked and slightly frightened in front of him. "Look at her. She-is-your-wife! You look at her asshole. You look at her and then at your kids and tell me that I don't deserve a moment in time to equal the twenty fucking years you two have been married. That Marie should die and not have had a wedding or a husband. You have no god damned idea how long I have been planning this. Two god damn fucking years! I bought the ring the week after I left here and the day before you rode in and brought my ass back here. I knew that she was my mate. That we would never be whole alone. I ordered the damn dress Rogue fawned over last year at your daughter's wedding shower! I ordered Winter roses last christmas when she said they were her favorite." I can feel the tears in my throat and I damn them. I damn me. "I didn't come here to ask permission. I came to share our news if-" I can't do this now so i whirl and head for the door. Jeans voice stops me.

"We didn't even know the two of you were more than friends Logan. We are just worried about Rogue. I'm sorry we didn't understand. It was a shock to us that's all."

I didn't say anything I just left. I went to Marie's room and get her cloths. I paid two of the little mutants attending fall classes to pack her things. Tomorrow I will tell Rogue about the dress and the flowers. I figure she will want some imput and am okay with that. I enter our room, damn, that sounds good our room. I stretch out on the opposite side of the bed and watch her as she sleeps.

Two Weeks Later....

Her head aches almost continueally now. I miss our connection but am afraid that if she opens it again I will lose her before it is time. We are getting married today. I haven't seen her in a few hours. Since Jean came to our room and abducted her. She was sleeping again. She has been sleeping even more lately, yet she doesn't seem to be rested up.

There is sadness in her eyes as she looks at me. I think she knows it is almost time. Jean offered Rogue morphine, but she refused it. She wanted to remember everything about the time she had left.

I am standing up here with a few hundred mutants starring at me like I've grown a new head. I am shifting nerviously as I stand waiting. Then I hear the music and the back door is opening and the next thing I know. I am breathless. I can't breath I want to tell Scott who is sitting in the front pew, but I can't look away. Xavier is giving her away as he did Jean. I am immobile the whole time I watch her journey up the aisle.

I only remember bits and peices about the wedding from that point on. Her gloved hand in mine and her tear filled eyes under the translucent veil that cover's her face. I remember saying I DO and I remember that I kissed her trembling lips with the veil her only covering.

We sat through most of the reception our eyes on each other. She is looking at me with sad eyes again. Knowing eyes and I hate it. We are here and married and I hate myself as well as her mutation for spoiling what should have been her happy day. His happy day.

They start playing this song. I don't think I have ever heard it before, but it is perfect. For a few moments I just listen.

Light a candle, lay flowers by the door.

That startled him. He had done that for her birthday right before the headaches started. She must have heard the words and felt my reaction because she leans in and says.

"Dance with me?" Her eyes are still sad but her lips are smiling. I don't really dance and Marie knows that, but I can't deny her anything. I give a half hearted growl acting put out, but I have already moved to my feet and am reaching for her.

for those who are left behind and
the ones that have gone before
here it comes now sure as silence follows rain

I hear these words and I feel her face turn into my chest as we dance slowly in place. I feel the tears as the seep into my shirt they have become a regular occurence. I haven't told her what I plan to do. I won't. I will simply do it. And so the next words to the song are almost prophetic.

the taste of you upon my lips your fingers in my brain
Ever gentle as it kills me where I lay.
Who am I to resist
can't escape the feeling
as I try to leave the memory behind
without you what is left to believe in.
i'm so sorry for the way it had to go
and now I feel your presence in a way I could not know
and I wonder do you ever feel the same.
in the whipering darkness do you ever hear my name?

Without waiting for the song to end I sweep her into my arms and carry her bodily from the roomful of sad looking wedding guests. The time has come and I cannot wait a second longer.

It is a short trip back to our room. I open the door and kick it closed as I enter our haven. Tonight is the night.

"What are we doin' here Logan?" she asks. Her voice is trembling. I think she might know me well enough to guess my intentions, but that doesn't matter now. I have made up my mind and it will not be changed.

"We're doin' what married people do Marie." I whisper as I release her legs and let her slide down my body. Letting her hip graze my hardness.

She gasps and I don't know if it is because she has suddenly opened our link or if it is from the reaction to feeling my body straining against hers.

I don't hide my plan from her as she searches my mind. She still has a sadness to her as she sees my plan. I want her to know that this is what I want. That this is the only way I will allow her to go.

"Marie do you really think I want to live without you?" I ask her lifting my hand to her hair and stroke the fingers through it. "You know the things I did before I met you Marie. The torment. Is that what you want for me?"

"No," she shakes her head and smiles at me. "No, Logan it isn't."

"I have thought about this alot Marie. I know that there is going to be some pain involved and I want you to understand. It will probably be worse for you. I don't know how it will feel for you. I still remember the last time and it wasn't so bad for me."

"Are you sayin' i have a choice logan?" she is looking at me her eyes smiling she already knows that isn't why I told her that. So I don't answer her verbally.

I simply turn her from me and start in on the long row of buttons at her back. there must be six hundred of them. "How the hell'd you get in this thing?"

"Kitty sarted at the bottom and Jean started at the top and they met in the middle." her voice is trembling and I can feel the headache tracing the edges of her brain. With the soft snikt of one claw comming out about two inches I slice through the back of her dress.

"That gives new meaning to the term bodice ripper." she says and giggles as I push it off her shoulders. She turns to me then. She is wearing this skimpy little lace thing. My eyes roam over her and I can't breath again.

"You-that thing, damn get over here." I say gruffly.

"Not yet." she says and steps away as I try to follow her. "I think you are wearin' to many cloths Logan."

Never one to deny her anything I start yanking on my tie and the buttons of my shirt. I hesitate as I reach for my belt. My eyes go to hers. She is standing beside the bed her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed. She notices my stillness and she looks at me playfully, "Shy Logan. I'm flattered, but you realize I've seen your body through your mind for years now."

"I hope reality does fantasy justice." I murmur as I drop my pants to the floor leaving my black silk boxer briefs covering my ridged flesh. "Lie down Marie." I whisper. My mind is hazy and I know that we are close know. While she sits down on the bed and hesitantly slids back to rest her head on the pillow's I light candles about the room.

When I have finished that I look back at her. she is watching me as I put both hands at the foot of the bed on either side of her feet and slowly my eyes burning into hers crawl up the bed. I am astride her and the look in her eyes mirrors mine. I am feeling decidedly animalistic as she lays beneath my staring at me like a wide eyed innocent waiting for the virginal sacrifice to begin.

Without touching her skin I lower my lips to her breast and feel it grow taught under the material against my tongue.

I want to close my eyes an growl, but I don't want to miss her reaction. The way she looks when I touch her. Our link lets me know what she feels, but we have never actually been together when we connected that way. Marie being afraid that I would not be able to control myself.

"More afraid I wouldn't." she admits as I nuzzle her through the thin lace.

With a snikt I am tracing the line from the top her undercloths to the bottom. Her breathng hitches and her eyes glaze over a bit.

I seperate the edges and I have to look. "Beautiful!" I say reverantly. I move to lay beside her and she faces me. "I love you, Marie." I whisper as I lean in toward her. Letting our lips brush gentle. It feels like electric.

"Forever!" I whisper as I press my lips tightly to hers. I can feel her pulling my life force but it is different not as intense. She is also confused by the slowness. I give a mental shrug and dip my tongue between her lips. And we both moan. Marie is touching me now. Her soft hands on my chest.

She finds my nipples and flicks her thumb over them. I growl at the feel and put my hand to her shoulder to push her to her back once more. Pulling my tongue along the roof of her mouth I growl again moving my lips to her chin I work my way slowly down the colomn of her neck. I am feeling light headed an I know that she is draining my mind as I am filling hers.

Yet never have I felt so alive. So right. As my lips capture her bare breast she arches up off the bed her hands tangling in my hair. "Lo-Logan!" she moans and I want to cry. I want to cry for our love and our life, but also for our death.

Because as I run my hands down her sides I know that this will be our first, our last joining. My fingers move to her hot center. The first time. It flashes through my mind from her. So many firsts in one moment. First touch on her skin. First kiss on her breast.

I move down even further and replace my fingers with my lips and tongue. She grinds her heels into the bed trying not to buck. With quick motions of my tongue I bring her along the winding road to her first orgasm. It shocks her. Her mind stops for a moment and then it jumps into hyperdrive.

I am feeling weaker by the moment. I want to lie down and sleep, but there is something else she must experience. The first time our bodies join our souls as one. Slowly I remove my boxers. Everything is starting to feel hazy, but I move up her shivering body.

Looking deep within her eyes I see us. We are one and she smiles at me. "Forever!" she gasps as I enter her. It is all I can do to move, but it is sweet torture and my body and soul will not let me rest yet. Slow and gentle our eyes seeing only each other. Then I am driven over the edge my body though weak cannot maintain the slow steady pace and instead embarks on the quick satisfying thrusts of lost control.

We reach our goal together and with her name on my lips I slump over my head resting in the curve of her neck. A line from that song flits through our minds as we lay together.

Gentle as it kills me where I lay. Who am I to resist.

Another first pulls us to its door beconning us to enter in. And who are we to resist?