Title: Silent Like Rain
Author: Kia Mira
Email: kia_mira@bellsouth.net
Fandom: X-Men (movie)
Rating: I think this part is going to an R.
Summary: Something is the matter with Rogue. Tests have to be run and we are seeing from Logan's POV.
Series: series
Spoilers: spoilers
Category: Logan/Rogue Romance
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the computer used to flagerantly violate copy write laws all over the world. So no, I do not own them. Just the situation they find themselves. That and ten pennies will get me a dime. Does anyone read the disclaimer? e-mail me if you read the disclaimers. Mark it attn:disclaim. Cause if you don't I'm reverting to the corn flakes type of disclaimers.
Archive: Archive
FEEDBACK!: I AM NEEDY! SO YES! kia_mira@bellsouth.net

I sit here and I am silent. I'm silent like the rain that slides down the window beside me. The room was charged with an unnatural energy. An energy I have no name for.

I find it hard to believe the words that have been spoken here today. I can still hear them as they cut through me again and again. She is here. She, too, is silent like the rain. Our minds are not. They are screaming inside us.

I can feel the trembling that has started deep inside me work its way through my body and I can not control its tremors. I feel her hand on my shirt covered arm. She is steadying me. And that is what breaks me. What tears me apart. I stiffen my body willing it to obey.

"Are-"I stop as my voice cracks. I squeeze my eyes tight and clear my throat. I can feel the tears in my eyes and hear them in my voice. I do not want them to know the pain their words have caused me. Us. I open my eyes once again and look directly at Jean. "Are you sure?" My voice is hoarse, but not as bad as before.

I can see the saddness in her eyes. She is looking at Rogue her eyes full of sympathy. Jean has also aged well and she is still beautiful in her mid-fourties. Her hair is the same color as before, but she has lines that were not there all those years ago. Professor Xavier is beside her and he is still the same intellegent man he has always been. I can see the sadness in his eyes as well. Only for him it is differant. It is differant for them all.

"I wish I could say that I wasn't, but it would be a lie." I hear Jeans voice and I move my eyes back to hers.

"Wha-what can we do?" The tears are back. I can feel them at the back of my eyes prickling the nerves there. Searing into them prying their way to the surface.

"I'm sorry." she murmures. "I have known for a week-"

"A week!" I demand. She has known for a week and she hasn't said anything. I damn her with my eyes even as I praise her for giving my pain and anger a target. Scott steps infront of Jean a hand out stretched. His face stern as I focus on him. He has his hand on the visor and it is then that I realized I had risen from my place beside Rogue and am making my way toward Jean.

"Don't do this, Logan." Scott is serious and I can hear his voice. "Jean did what she thought was best."

"The hell she did!" I spit out. It is the soft, 'Logan, please.' that stops me. I am caught the tears fill my eyes at the soft pleading of her voice. Turning I find she has risen from her spot and tears are not only in her eyes they are running down her face. I step to her wanting to wipe them away, but my hand falls. I am not wearing the gloves I have taken to wearing. She blinks them away and reaches for my hand. we take our seats again and instead of sitting straight on her side she has huddled under my arm her cheek on my chest. Pressing the place wear my heart should have been beating.

"Go on Jean." she whispers.

I feel the wetness of her tears seeping through my shirt and I relish it. Part of her is touching me. I am soothed by it. Sick as it sounds it is true.

"I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do. From what I can see from the tests we ran the headaches are going to be perminant. The CAT scan shows a massive growth. I hesitate to call it a tumor, because it isn't cancer. It seems that her brain is storing all the information she has gleaned from those that she has touched and from what Rogue says the two of you are linked. That you share mental pathways. Her brain isn't large enough to continue to store this information forever, but it also isn't able to purge the things she has already taken in. It will continue to build up until her brain cannot function anymore."

"So your saying I did this to her." I can't believe it. All I have ever wanted to do is protect her. Love her and now they are telling me that by sharing the most beautiful experience, this connection, "I am killing her?" I finish the last aloud. Disbelief clouding my voice. They are silent.

"Oh, God! Oh, God, I-I Oh, God Marie!" I say as I hold her to me for a brief moment before insanity claims me. I have to do something. i don't know what all I know is that the woman I love is dying because of me. Because I connected with her, because I love her. "Oh, God!" I rail again. "Forgive me!" I pull away from her my body trembling. It is hard to focus as words fly through my mind. Questions. Why her? What did I do to deserve this? But mostly just why?

I feel like a caged animal as I stalk around Xavier's office. I want to tear something apart. I stare at the things around me the furnishings. I want to destroy it all. The rage inside me is building until I could easily explode. I am seeing red as I focus on a frightened looking Jean and a protective Scott. I must have been moving in her direction again. With a feral growl I whirl to the nearest wall jamming my claws through it with a growling sob. I lean my fore head against the wall it is cool and smooth like glass. I close my eyes. "You can't know..." I say speaking to Jean, Scott and the Professor. "You can not even im-a-gine" my voice rises on the pain that is continuing through me. "DAMN YOU ALL! Damn You All...damnyouall..."I am repeating it. Shaking my head from side to side. I open my eyes and find that my claws are inbedded in the wall on either side of a mirror and my head is resting against it. I can see my reflection. I stare into the tormented eyes of a man losing the only thing he has ever loved more than himself. I watch as the animal takes possession of him. The anger rising from the very center of me. "DAMN ME!" I growl as I rip my claws from the wall and cross them over my chest dragging them down. The pain feels good, but even as I finish my body is repairing itself and I cry. Slumping to the floor my head against the wall.

"I can't die." I turn my eyes on the woman now kneeling beside me. "Oh, God, I can't die! Why can't I die?"

Tears are streaming down our faces as she carefully wraps me in her arms and we sit tangled together.

"I won't live without you." I say. "I can't possibly live without my heart and you have that. Don't make me live with out you."

"Sssshhhh...," she is trying to sooth me. I will not be soothed, but I don't speak either. We sit holding each other as our tears fall silent like the rain outside.