Title: Seeking Touch|
Author: Kia Mira
Fandom: X-Men (movie)
Summary: Rogue introspective based on events in the book that are nor in the movie.
Disclaimer: I wish I owned them because then I wouldn't owe that outragious car bill.
It has been over a year since I have touched or been touched. It has been hard for me. I was such a tactile child. I loved the feel of my mothers hair wrapped around my fingers as she rubbed the side of my face.
All that changed the day David kissed me. I was as shocked as he was when the electric currant started to flow through me. It wasn't until I felt his presence in my head that I pulled away frightened at my thoughts. That was the last time I touched another livin' soul.
When I saw Logan in that terrible bar in Laughlin City I felt an instant connection. It was as though I knew just lookin' at him that he would help me. Though there was nothing about the brutal lookin' man in the cage that should have fostered this hope. I just knew that he was alone and I was alone.
As I sat watchin' him through the crowd it was as though he craved the pain inflicted by the ones he fought. He craved the pain as much as I craved the touch. It was an odd thought after all I had not met the man. Just watched him take a beatin' that no normal man could withstand without trace of his pummeling.
When he approached the bar that night I couldn't take my eyes off him. His presence was commanding. I pretended not to be interested in him. I looked at him from the side of my eyes. I was over come with a multitude of emotions. He flicked his eyes to me. I'm sure he thought I was out of place. Then that awful man came and started arguin' with him and I got to see his secret.
I was so frightened when I saw those claw come from his hands. Frightened but oddly unlike the others that witnessed it I wasn't repulsed. I watched him his body a statue of pent up anger and rage yet when his eyes swept the room and found mine. I saw the torment. That was the first time in eight months that I wished I could touch someone. Bein' on the road a girl of seventeen I was glad I could use my mutation as a shield, but that night I wanted to comfort him. To smooth my fingers over his cheek and seek his touch.
I talked to storm today. I was leavin' her class and we started talkin'. I asked her if the Professor would be able to cure me. I knew the minute her eyes clouded that she wouldn't be able to tell me he could, but I stubburnly made her say the words. Let them slice through my soul. I let her cut me and I marveled that I didn't bleed to death there in her classroom. I felt so alone the whole time I was on the road. Until I met Logan and then we were brought to this wonderful place and all of a sudden people weren't afraid of me. Didn't treat me like a freak. I had hoped that I might be able to find a miracle elixer here, but instead I was drinking poison. My peace in this place fled.
I watched him all through dinner. His eyes roamed the room settling on first Storm cooly as he flicked his gaze fromhead to toe. He thought she was beautiful she could tell. He did the same with Jean only his eyes were a bit warmer. When they came to me and caught my eyes on him he smiled and a softness entered his eyes.
That is one of the reasons I find myself tip toeing through the halls at this ungodly hour. I spent most of the night tossin' and turnin' tryin' to make sense of the things I was told earlier. When Storm noticed that I was upset she sent for Jean and they talked to her. Tryin' to get her to speak about her feelin's. I juat wanted away from them. I felt like the house was fallin' in on me and they were oblivious. I asked them to step back and give me space. And after a while they did. All I wanted was to be alone. Blessedly alone. Then I was and I found that deep down inside me. I really didn't want to be alone.
As I near his door I hear moanin' and mumblin'. I slowly turn the knob and he is louder now. He is dreamin' and he is shiftin' around on the bed. I think about wakin' him, but as I watch he settles into a near quiet state. So I pad over to a large chair beside his bed and crawl into it. I am amazed that I feel more relaxed in his presence than I have felt since I learned of my powers or that they will be permanant. I feel the brush soft strokes of comfort that I recieve from him in my mind and drift off to sleep on the realization that you can touch in more way than one. And a touch of the soul is just as powerful as the touch of skin. But I think I shall always seek touch especially his.